Because I’ve always Known

I want it more than what I need

If it were a drug I’d be an addict

If there’s a cure I’d never take it

I’m corny, awkward, caring, charming,  charismatic, sarcastic, intelligent, oblivious, strong, but even with all that being said I’m proud to be Jarvis as I am. I am happy that my heart still works, and that I feel love as strongly as I do. There is no confusion as to what I want, and if it’s meant to be I want it. I’ll stack these words within my heart until I reach the heavens and communing with my God. The number of words it took will have never been known by me, because I learned to not count the cost but focus on the goal. No words will be exchanged just a nod and a smile. There’s nothing for me to say to God, and nothing for me to know. I said it all through my words which I received from God everything I know, and even the things I’ve unknowingly unknown were first taught to me by God. The path for me to make it here was shown long ago, but I forgot the way, ignored the map, hid the key, and then I knew. I knew it wasn’t them that told me to write, it was you. they didn’t tell me what to write about. They didn’t show me who I am, I remembered that life is often spent trying to grow up when we’ve long forgotten what we were meant to grow into. You want to know how I know, because of universal law energy can not be created or destroyed. These thoughts, these words they are filled with energy and have form in the universe. Love is energy that we didn’t create and can’t destroy, and I wasn’t born to write this I was  born to remember what I always knew. Up thinking of you lead me to remembering who I am. All the things no man ever taught me, but I knew it anyway. I’ve known before words, before crawling, before it all I have known. Love is universal no matter your religion, language, or age we can all communicate and understand love. I thought I lost you only to find you again, but now I found a way to keep you with me always. No matter what may come you’ll always be the love I’ve known, but lost to find again. Like art your beauty is set within my eye

Everything you want is on the other side of fear. As my heart reminds me I’m afraid of losing this “Love” because this “Love” is the “Love” I’ve found within myself. I want to experience life in the presence of “Love” like my own. The “Love” I have grown into with myself. I’m not afraid of losing “Love” because I “Love” myself. What I do miss is the presence of “Love” like my own. “Love” that echoed through the emptiness of my heart to the places I was once afraid to explore, where I found a greater appreciation of “Love” like mine. As I explored I found an inner “Love” greater than the fear of losing “Love”. This is a “Love” that will never leave me because this “Love” is mine alone. “Love” has touched my life in such a way that I’ve been forever changed by finding it. “Love” had shown me that my weakness does not have to define or limit me. I do not have to pretend with “Love” knows me it won’t shame me. I have no further need to pretend for “Love” . “Love” even though you knew me well I tried to pretend to earn your affection for so long. I thought that you could never accept me as I was, and it turns out I was afraid of myself. Fear kept me from embracing all I had to offer “Love” Next time “Love” I face you on equal terms giving you no quarter nor will I run from you.

I understand that loving you means that I may only be left to adore you like an work of art. Forever on display within the museum of my heart never to have, but forever to adore. Who doesn’t want to possess something beautiful to have and to hold. At one point I wanted you all to myself, and I realized the error of my ways. Instead I’ll display you before the world for all to appreciate the beauty that touched my heart. You may not ever belong in my life, but you will forever live on through these words. Therefore no matter what path life chooses for us as long as I write we will be together.

I wanted it to be easy, I thought I would find love recognize it right off, and the rest would be smooth sailing.  Love kindly put me on my ass and asked me “why”. I stared at love with this pitiful expression on my face, and replied “what”. Love echoed “why”, and with a sad look in it’s eye walked away. I called out to Love pleading with Love to take me as I am. Tears poured down my face as I could not control my feelings, and I could only think “Love why do hate me?”. I’m not good enough, I did not do enough, Love just do not leave me I’ll do anything. Love smiled, kneeled, and kissed me gently. Saying, “find me when you know why.” With that Love left me all alone. I found myself with a choice find  “why” or find an easier Like instead of seeking Love. What would you do?


One thought on “Because I’ve always Known

  1. What would I do? Does it matter? It’s up to you because you are love and love is you. I know that love is wise enough to provide the answer you seek. If I had to answer the question, I suppose I’d sit silently and listen for love to tell me what to do. I’d let love speak to me and wait for the power of love to reveal it’s truth to me-removing all doubt and eliminating the margin of error. Love is a mystery that leaves clues one is mindful enough to solve-knowing the answer all along.


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