I’m falling out of love with the person I want to be tomorrow. As I think back over all the days spent wishing for tomorrow to come. I don’t want to feel this way tomorrow please come, I don’t want to deal with these problems today tomorrow please come, tomorrow will be better than today so from now on I’ll live there. This escapist philosophy of life kept me constantly focused on the next, and never the now. Afraid of feeling the here and now because now is scary. Time truly will reveal all, when we look to time for guidance, and embrace it. Many things in life will be revealed through time, in time and on time. In time things come, and in time they go which is why we must live in the time we have. Letting go is the greatest joy of living, because it allows you to move in time. Holding on to the it is, and it was leaves you stuck in a moment unable to move with time. The very thing you hold to is sometimes the very thing that allows time to pass you by. What is will soon become what was, and when that time comes what will you become?
The things you’re seeking are actively seeking you, but that means you have to face reality. You have to ask yourself have I been running away or running towards what I want? Sometimes it takes the greatest pain of your life in order to break the grips of delusion. It also means making amends with you for all the pain you’ve caused yourself and others. Exposure hurts the worse when you believed in your innocent for so long, just a victim of circumstances, blaming everything and everyone, but having to unmask the culprit and it was you all along. All those angry thoughts and feelings you’ve been slinging about carelessly, and now it makes sense why it didn’t last. Saying you are sorry knowing that you are absolutely powerless to change anything. Even though they love you their thoughts of you are now tainted by your actions. They may never forgive you, your words are just words, and no actions can change their thoughts of you. This is reality, love doesn’t mean they will act towards you with feelings of joy or forgiveness. This is the reality you must make peace with you and you alone. May the pain be a reminder of what you never wish to feel again. Recovery begins when the pain of God’s truth over powers your false sense of reality.