What does I love you mean to you?
My first thoughts were of love recieved from another person, and reciprocated by another. An expression verbally, physically, and mentally. Though the last part I’ve been giving much thought as of late. How does one measure one’s mental love? Can you tell if someone is thinking of you in a loving way? How does it translate to be loved by thought?
Love is when you don’t count the costs of what it takes. Whatever it takes to make it that’s what you’ll do. When the mindset is no matter the cost, but only on the goal then you are ready. When you do it for the love of, and not for the love of it you will be free to love. Are you giving in vain? Trying to do to get, but love isn’t earned. The love that is for you is a gift to you. I love you as I know how, because it is for me to love you. Our love was never intended to change one another, but to allow us to love freely as our own unique selves.
Do we ever really know? We may know why we start something, but do we really know how it will end? As with all stories “In the beginning and In the end” are two very drastic points of contrast, and tell two different stories. In the beginning we met in the way that was made for a modern television love story, “online dating”. Our interactions began innocently enough, but let me take a moment to say what caught my attention. Her eyes and her smile my definition of beautiful, physically OMG I loved it, she is a gym rat, and in her profile she described herself as sarcastic lol (you have to be a smart-ass to get why this is attractive). Our conversation started simply enough, and honestly I didn’t understand why she was on a dating site in the first place. I was also convinced that this woman wouldn’t have the time of day for me on this site, because as with most sites men out number women, and I’m sure they were blowing her inbox UP!! Despite my reservations I typed a short, yet witty message and hit send. Then maybe a day passed before I received a response. I was excited, but being familiar with life. I didn’t want to get my hopes up too soon, a reply does not a match make. Though our conversations went well, and we advanced to exchanging numbers. From the first-time I heard her voice it was curtains for me, night night, game over. I don’t share this with many, but I have sensitive ears and certain tones actually hurt my ears. Though her voice on that phone it was constant and even pitch perfect. We had the typical school age conversation where you end up on the phone till the sun comes knowing we needed to sleep, but neither wanting to say goodbye. (Plug Lauren Hill Sweetest thing lyrics, but her voice was the sweetest thing I’ve known). She was a busy woman, and at the time of our first few conversations was out of town on business. Eventually after a few sleepless nights of conversing, we agreed that maybe we should meet for a date.
We decided to keep it simple we’d meet for drinks, and proceed from there. Mind you I’m more nervous than excited (like top ten most nervous moments in life)…
Then just as soon as it all began I seemed to find myself in an emotional desert. Trying to make it to where I want to be with her, and surviving in this desert alone until that time.
Breathe trust in time, and focus on now. Remember what brought you here, and recall what it is you are believing in. As you find yourself in the desert do not panic this is not the first day, and you are not the person you were when you first challenged these sands. This is what you desire, but the magic doesn’t happen unless you seek it. Yes the times seem scary because in honesty you can die in the desert, and this brings us face to face with a truth that pits us against our survival instinct. When pushed into a life or death scenario within whatever desert you find yourself on the way to your desire. Your survival instincts will try to wrestle for control “fight or flight” and in the midst of your journey will you run back to the safety of your oasis, or will you fight your instincts to push deeper into the desert? I have something that I desire, and against the desert I must survive. Across these burning sands I begin to face my “why” as I begin to realize my power to survive. I may be small in comparison, but that doesn’t limit my power. Even the smallest things are capable of accomplishing great works through diligence and perseverance. I will press forward, and wager my life on the uncertainty of the desert. The path from A B is never straight and definitely a certain outcome is never guaranteed. Though even in the desert there is life love at times may seem to abandon us or appear far away, but the it is always there. It may not look exactly as it was before, but it is there. Love may change it’s presence in your life, you may feel alone in a vast emotional desert, but if life can be sustained in a desert then you can thrive in it.
Giving up in the middle means you weren’t ready to have the treasure at the end. -Jarvis F. Kimbrough-
Live through the desert to find the strength to claim your desire.